


Clock Tower

by hanabimonai



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Bittersweet, Film Industry AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-11
Updated: 2013-04-11
Packaged: 2017-12-08 04:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/756978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanabimonai/pseuds/hanabimonai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The glitz and the glamour of being a sought-after movie stuntman and a respected film score composer? These simply don't matter to Allen anywhere near as much as Kanda being fair and honest with himself. Because if there *is* a future for them, it's snagged on the jagged edges of his past. (Allen/Kanda/Allen; AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clock Tower

**Author's Note:**

> Been trying to get those writerly juices flowing again, so I jumped on this prompt! Next should be an update to _Heaven & Hell_.
> 
> Thanks, and I hope you enjoy this little one-shot... =)

It was a good party, Allen thought. Calm, soft, _low_ lighting. Intriguing, endless supply of appetizers. Marie's understated yet evocative sets with his jazz ensemble clearly had an effect; even while Allen wasn't at the piano, mind adrift in the realms of past and future possibilities.

There was a lot of great company, too. Especially for an _industry_ soirée. New people with enough connections for Allen to comfortably work each room; yet also quieter, more secluded spots Kanda could hit up for a few minutes' refuge from more bustling areas of the large house.

Sure he could handle a little here and there, but Allen had long since given up on Kanda taking an interest in networking. Luckily his stuntman career was faring quite well without that boost contacts could give. Probably due to incredible talent and dedication.

Ten minutes ago, two wineglasses in hand, Allen found Kanda lounging outdoors in the garden. In his white-tie tux under the string-lit greenery, he was leaning against a stone fountain while _apparently_ waiting for no one in particular.

Once Allen regained his breath, he moved closer. "Brought you a drink."

Kanda took it without speaking, absently clinking their glasses together in thanks.

"You're welcome," Allen grinned at the small gesture. Attempting not to get too distracted by the light wind picking up wisps of long black hair, he continued; "Normally I'd go for a red, but Komui got me to try this white grape varietal blend and it's really not bad, I have to admit. Also, it _is_ summer."

He watched the pale, dry wine slip between the other's lips. "It's good."

Until then, Allen noticed, Kanda's eyelids had been lowered in thought. Now, dark eyes traced up Allen's body. On the one hand, Allen realized his companion had been alarmingly contemplative, but on the other, his pulse edged upward at the scrutiny.

Even so, his libido would have to wait.

"What… were you thinking about, just now?"

It was only a weak glare he received before Kanda looked away… which meant he was ruminating on exactly what Allen feared he was. "Let it go already."

"How can I when _you_ won't?" Allen refused to let despair set in. Anger was easier.

"Fucking hell, bean sprout. I can think about whatever I damn well please!"

"I just can't stand how you blame yourself. You know that."

"There's no one else to take responsibility."

"I keep telling you there doesn't _have_ to be!" As Allen raised his voice, a gust of wind rustled the leaves of trees and bushes framing the yard. It quieted as soon as it started. "He was a stunt performer just like you. He knew the risks he was taking."

"You wouldn't—" Kanda trailed off, considering more carefully what he was saying, for once. "Allen."

His eyes widened and his heart practically stopped, the instant his name was used. Yet he recovered with bravado: "Wonder upon wonders. You _do_ know my name!"

Kanda rolled his eyes with an air of begrudging affection.

"Since telling you it's none of your fucking business never seems to make a goddamn difference…" Allen wanted to laugh out loud at the resignation in his voice. "I—"

At that moment, an eager voice carried outside from within the glass patio doors: _"Where's Allen?"_

" _I don't know, Timothy,"_ Lavi replied, surely lying. _"Maybe try upstairs?"_

" _I just came from there. I'll try outside,"_ the up-and-coming young actor (and tween heartthrob) decided. What would all those thirteen-year-old girls have thought, if they overheard an amused Kanda informing him the other week that the exuberant young man seemed to be developing a deepening crush on a certain white-haired film score composer, despite knowing full well those feelings weren't requited?

_Oh my god, why now? Kanda was about to say something important!_

So at that moment, Allen grabbed Kanda's hand.

And ran.

Not being particularly attached to the party environment in the first place, Kanda obliged him. Together, they hopped the high fence, sprinted a few blocks down the sidewalk, and on Allen's whim, they've just now strolled into a public park.

The area they've entered is barely lit by the cloud covered, near-full moon. As they approach the tree-lined riverbank, Allen thinks this could _almost_ be considered romantic, if it weren't for that damned smirk on Kanda's face.

"Okay, _what?"_

"You ran away from Timothy Hearst."

"And…?"

"That's pretty damn funny by itself."

Allen sighs with great exaggeration, shaggy bangs bouncing on that puffed out air. He allows himself to plop unceremoniously onto a large stone in view of the river. Kanda elects to remain on his feet.

He still wants to ask Kanda what he was going to say before. However now, by the moonlit river and within the silhouetted trees, everything is so beautiful, and he's sharing all that alone with a man he's terribly in love with. Before he finds out, for better or worse, just what it was Kanda was going to say, Allen wants to live in this moment a little bit longer.

"That idiot agent of ours tells me—"

"Hmm?" Allen is startled out of his thoughts.

"Lavi says a scout's taken interest in that clock tower over there."

A short distance down, on the other side of the river, the structure to which Kanda is pointing rises far above the trees. "Oh? I actually _know_ that place."

"Yeah? How?"

"Did a photo shoot in there. I was being profiled in an industry magazine a while back and rather than have me seated at my piano like they always do, this crazy journalist, he wanted to get shots of me in some sort of 'exotic' location."

"The hell? Was he coming on to you?"

Allen's eyebrows rise in surprise at this. "I don't _think_ so. If he tried anything inappropriate, I'd have kicked his ass. Thanks for thinking of me, though."

Kanda crosses his arms and looks away. "The rabbit told me about it because the film crew's going to need some stunts done from there, if they decide to use it."

"Oh? Interesting. We were there in the daytime and it was spooky even then." An idea hits him, and he perks up: "Hey, want to check it out?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

Kanda gives him a "go on, then" look and they walk together down the riverbank and over a footbridge as Allen explains: "The tower was originally part of a Trappist monastery, I heard, but that burned down almost a century ago. You can see some of the ruins from the attached buildings around if you look, but it's easier to see in the daytime."

"I thought it was a train station…"

"It was. They built that over the monastery ruins. But then—"

"Most of the trains fell out of use decades ago."

"Right."

"Sooo… why's it supposed to be scary? You afraid of the ghosts of monks and travelling businessmen?"

Allen laughs out loud at the ridiculous image Kanda's question evokes. "Well I'd hope the businesspeople got where they were trying to go… and the monks are with _God."_

"Whatever. So, how are we getting in?"

"That window," Allen points to a shut window on the second floor. "The exposed stones below it are pretty decent footholds, and it can't be locked, so I'll grab hold at the ledge and shove it open."

Kanda nods, stretching a little in preparation for using his _parkour_ skills.

"And yes, that's how we got in last time, since you can unlock the door from inside. The key the guy procured didn't work for some reason."

Without further words, the two easily sneak inside the historic building— scaling the wall even in their formalwear. As his eyes adjust a little better to the near-total dark, Allen reaches out in search of the wall… and brushes Kanda's arm instead.

At just that slight contact, a thrill rushes through Allen's body. Almost before he knows it, he's feeling his way up that arm and his hands are meeting behind Kanda's neck. Arms wrap around Allen's waist in response, and he whispers: "Found you."

"Didn't know I was lost."

"Kanda, you idiot."

Clumsily in the dark, the sides of their faces graze each other, sliding cheek-to-cheek. Allen glides his nose back along until it finds its counterpart, then brings their lips together hastily. He is irresistibly drawn to this man. No matter what the nature of Kanda's feelings, there is never going to be anyone else.

It's wonderful but also crushing that, as always, Kanda's just going with the flow.

He backs off, yet while his vision has adjusted remarkably well to the darkness by this point, Allen can't bring himself to look into Kanda's eyes. "Come on. Let's go up."

Ascending above the landing they've just departed, the staircase is musty with the scents of heavy dust, old bannister wood, and a faint metallic ring of neglected machinery. The stairs themselves creak ominously. Countless groans swell from the outer walls each time the wind picks up; drafts entering through the cracks.

"Was this place even safe enough for a shoot?" Kanda asks dubiously.

"Probably not _quite_ up to code, but at any rate it doesn't seem to be falling apart any time soon."

They reach a large room full of clockwork and machinery. Most is hidden in shadow, but they're lucky enough for unfettered moonlight to cast spotlights through the windows, showcasing displaced dust in the air, the stopped gears of the nearby clock face… and lots and _lots_ of cobwebs.

"Yuck. I forgot how creepy it was up here."

"Your idea."

"Shut. Up."

There's a silence now. The pair has had many companionable silences before, but this one? It's _awkward._ Unsure what to do next, Allen makes his way to one of the windows overlooking the park.

No. He knows he has to ask.

"Kanda."

"Yeah." He walks over and Allen keeps his back turned, still gazing out the window.

"What were you going to say— before— at the party?"

Kanda inhales a long, deep breath behind him and the floorboards protest as he shifts his weight. "Just… Ever since Alma's death, I haven't ever been able to look at another person that way again. These past five years, I haven't even _wanted_ to… except for _you_."

Allen's previously sinking heart stutters before leaping into a much faster pace. Kanda's going so far as to tell him that he has feelings for him— that when they sleep with each other, it isn't meaningless sex to him. Allen feels an explosion of hope within, yet he also dreads Kanda's next sentence…

_But… ?_

"But… I don't think I can… make you happy. I'm not the… the right person to do that."

"You're the _only_ person who can. The only one I _want."_

"Bean sprout…"

At this, Allen finally spins around to face him. "It's _Allen._ God, you're such a prick, Kanda! How can I settle for anyone else, especially when you've just pretty much confessed you feel something for me? I _love_ you."

"It's not fair to you. I can't forget Alma."

"You don't have to."

"Huh?"

"I'm not trying to erase what you had together."

Allen catches an immediate change in Kanda's posture and he can practically hear him thinking _'No,_ I'm _the one who ended what we had.'_

" _Don't._ You've got to stop blaming yourself!"

"I—"

Allen takes a step closer. "And I'm not asking you to _forget_. I'm asking you to stop living your entire life in the _past_ with him. Live now… with _me_."

"Allen…"

Fed up at the feeling they're going in circles, he seizes Kanda's lapels and pulls him in, reiterating himself through this passionate, emotional kiss. This time it's returned hesitantly at first, but gradually he feels Kanda gripping him tighter; pressing into him urgently; embracing the present moment. When they pull apart, Kanda is _speechless_.

"We can't go back to the party with all this dirt in our tuxes, so I'll just apologize to Lavi later. He won't mind. Come home with me?"

"Yeah," Kanda finally answers. "I'm ready to leave this place."


End file.
